Jokes

Manager told a joke. Everyone in the team laughed except one guy...

Manager asks him - "Didn't you understand my joke????"

The guy replied - "I resigned yesterday"

Neta ji gaanv mein sabha karne ja rahe the lekin gaanv se pehle hi unki car ke neeche ek kutta aa gaya.

Kutta mar gaya lekin car bhi accident ki wajah se kharab ho gayi

Neta ji ne driver ko madad laane ke liye gaanv mein bheja.

Thodi der baad jab driver lauta to uske gale mein dher saari malayein padi thi.

Neta ji ne poochha ki toone aisa kya kiya jo tera itna samman hua?

Maine to sirf itna kaha ki neta ji ki car ka accident ho gaua hai.....
Kutta mar gaya....

Khaana khaate huye pati ne patni ko aawaz lagaai

"Bhagyawan..! yeh jo tumne sabji banaai hai ise kya kehte hain"

Patni : "Kyun, kisliye poochh rahe ho?"

Pati : "Arre bhai mujhse bho to swarg mein poochha jayega.. Kya kha ke mare the?"

Patni ki raat ko achanak 2 baje neend khuli to paaya ki pati bed par nahi hai

Khojne par pati dining table par baithe huye dikha
Pati hath mein coffee ka cup lekar soch mein doobe huye deewar ko ghoor rahe the.

Patni chupchap pati ko coffee ki chuski lete huye baar baar aansu ponchhte dekhti rahi.
Phir patni pati ke paas gayi aur boli "Kya baat hai dear? tum itni raat mein yahan kya kar rahe ho?"

Pati ne nazar uthaai aur kaha "Tumhein yaad hai 14 saal pehle jab tum sirg 18 saal ki thi?"
Patni bhaav vibhor ho gayi aur boli "Haan yaad hai"

Kuchh ruk kar pati bola "Yaad hai jab tumhare judge pitaji ne hamein meri car mein ghoomte huye dekh liya tha"

Patni "Haan haan yaad hai"\

Pati "Yaad hai tab unhone mujhe dhamkaya tha aur kaha tha is-se shaadi kar lo nahi to tumhein 14 saal ke liye andar kara doonga"

Patni "Haan haan woh bhio yaad hai"

Pati apni aankh se aansu pochhte huye bola "Aaj main jail se chhoot gaya hota"

3 dost daaru peete rahe the..

Boy 1 - Bhai hum log bullet se Laddakh chalenge.

Boy 2 - Haan bhai chalenge.

Boy 3 - Lekin kaise chalenge apne paas to cycle bhi nahi hai?

Boy 1& 2 - Saale hamein pata tha tu
Daaru nahi pee raha hai khaali namkeen kha raha hai.

Husband Wife chori ke topic par baat kar rahe the

Husband : Jo insan chori karta hai, wo baad mein zarur pachhtaata hai.

Wife (romantic mood mein) : Aur tumne jo shaadi se pehle meri neendein churaai thi unke baare mein kya khayal hai?

Husband: Keh to raha hoon, jo chori karta hai wo baad mein pachhtata zarur hai.

Santa Singh - Safola oil to de diya bhaiya. Iske sath ka gift nahin diya.
Shopkeeper - Iske sath koyi gift nahin hai.
Santa Singh - Ullu matt banao ismein likha hai "Cholesterol Free"

Daaru ki wajah se barbad sharabi ne kasam li aur ghar se daaru ki khaali bottles phenkne laga

Pehli bottle phekte huye bola.. Teri wajah se meri naukri gayi
Doosri bottle phekte huye bola.. Teri wajah se mera ghar bika
Seesri bottle phekte huye bola.. Teri wajah se meri biwi chali gayi
Chauthi bottle uthaai to woh bhari huyi nikli to bola
Tu side mein hoja pagli... tu to bekasoor hai