Jokes

Ek aadmi ka dil kitna bada hota hai aur aurat ka kitna chhota aap khud hi dekh leejiye
Ek aurat ke dil mein sirf uske lover, apne pati aur apne bachchon ke liye hi jagah hoti hai
Lekin aadmi ke dil mein to
Apni lover
Dost ki lover
Bhai ki lover
Padosi ki lover
Bivi ki saheli
Behan ki saheli
Padosan ki saheli
Apni saali
BHai ki saali
Saale ki saali
Saali ki saheli
Saamne waali
Peechhe waali
Baaju waali
Upar wali
Baaju waali
Neeche waali
Sabji waali
Doodh waali
Kapde waali
Kaam waali
aur aakhir mein thodi bahut apni patni ke liye bhi jagah hoti hai
Sach mein aadmi ka dil bahut bada hota hai

Bank mein customer ne cheque dete hue poochha ki "Madam yeh kitne dino mein clear ho jaayega"

Madam: Kam se kam do-teen din lagenge.

Customer: Lekin madam itna time kyon lagega? Jis bank ka cheque maine diya hai woh to saamne waali duilding mein hi hai.

Madam (Bade hi shaant swar mein) : Sir main aapko kaise samjhun, procedure to follow karna hi padta hai na. Maan leejiye ki aap shamshaan ke saamne hi mar jaate hain to ghar waale aapki laash ko ghar le jaayenge ya wahin saamne nipta denge. Boliye?
Customer behosh!

Arrested for laughing

This is from an actual trial in the UK.

A young woman who was several months pregnant was sitting in a bus.

When she noticed a young man smiling at her, she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition.

She changed her seat and he seemed more amused. She moved again and then on seeing him laughing more.

She filed a court case on him. In the court the man said to judge in his defense was:

When the lady boarded the bus, I couldn't help noticing she was pregnant.

She sat under an advertisement, which read "Coming Soon- The unknown boon"..

I was even more amused when she then sat under a shaving advertisement,

Which read:- "William's stick did the trick".. Then I could not control myself any longer,

When on the third move she sat under an advertisement, which read: "Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident"..

The case was dismissed.

The judge fell off his chair laughing!

Two Wives chatting in office :

Wife 1 : I had a fine evening, how was yours?

Wife 2 : It was a disaster. My husband came home, ate his dinner in 3 mins & fell asleep in 2 mins.

How was yours?

Wife 1 : Oh mine was amazing!

My husband came home and took me out for a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour.

When we came home he lit the candles around the house. It was like a fairy tale!

At the same time, their husbands are talking at work

Husband 1 : How was your evening?

Husband 2 : Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate & fell asleep.

And what about you?

Husband 1 : It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner, they cut the electricity because I forgot to pay the bill. So I took her out for dinner which was so expensive that didn't have money left for a cab or auto.

We walked home which took an hour & when we got home, I remembered there was no electricity so I had to light candles all over the house .

MORAL : PRESENTATION DOES MATTER......
NO MATTER WHAT THE REALITY IS

Does your organization struggle with the problem of properly fitting people to jobs?

Here is a handy hint for ensuring success in job placement.

Take the prospective employees you are trying to place and put them in a room with only a table and two chairs.

Leave them alone for two hours, without any instruction. At the end of that time, go back and see what they are doing.

If they have taken the table apart in that time, put them in Engineering.

If they are counting the butts in the ashtray, assign them to Accounting.

If they are screaming and waving their arms, send them off to Manufacturing.

If they are talking to the chairs, Personnel is a good spot for them.

If they are sleeping, they are Management material.

If they are writing up the experience, send them to Tech Pubs.

If they don't even look up when you enter the room, assign them to Security.

If they try to tell you it's not as bad as it looks, send them to Marketing.

And if they've left early, put them in Sales.

Santa tez baarish mein doctor ke paas gaya

Santa: Doctor saab ghar par checkup ki kya fee hai?
Doctor 300/-
Santa: Phir jaldi chaliye doctor saab.
Doctor ne car nikali aur dono Santa ke ghar pahunch gaye.
Doctor: Mareez kahan hai?
Santa: Mareez-wareez koi nahi hai, mua taxy wala ghar tak jaane ke 500/- maang raha tha aap 300/- mein le aaye.
Santa Rocks!

Put your wife in a room & lock it.
Put your dog in another room & lock it !!!
Open both rooms after 2 - 3 hours & see who is Happy to see you, and who will BITE you !
(You are advised not to try this at home as these stunts were performed by professionals; who are now!divorced; and living happily with their dog)
Don't laugh loud ----
The extended version says...
Put your husband in a room & lock it.
Put your dog in another room & lock it !!!
Open both rooms after 2 - 3 hours & you will be happy to see your dog waiting for you.. but you be angry looking at your husband sleeping like he never slept before

An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free time in a bar, so one night he took her along with him.

"What'll you have?" he asked. "Oh, I don't know.
The same as you I suppose," she replied.

So, the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's and threw his down in one shot.

His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out.

"Yuck, that's TERRIBLE!" she spluttered. "I don't know how you can drink this stuff !"

"Well, there you go," cried the husband.
"And you think I'm out enjoying myself every night!"