Marriage Jokes

Patni (pati ke birthday par): "Kya gift doon?"

Pati: "Gift rehne de bas thodi izzat diya kar aur tameez se baat kar liya kar"

Patni (5 minute soch kar): "Nahi main to gift hi doongi?"

Khaana khaate huye pati ne patni ko aawaz lagaai

"Bhagyawan..! yeh jo tumne sabji banaai hai ise kya kehte hain"

Patni : "Kyun, kisliye poochh rahe ho?"

Pati : "Arre bhai mujhse bho to swarg mein poochha jayega.. Kya kha ke mare the?"

Patni ki raat ko achanak 2 baje neend khuli to paaya ki pati bed par nahi hai

Khojne par pati dining table par baithe huye dikha
Pati hath mein coffee ka cup lekar soch mein doobe huye deewar ko ghoor rahe the.

Patni chupchap pati ko coffee ki chuski lete huye baar baar aansu ponchhte dekhti rahi.
Phir patni pati ke paas gayi aur boli "Kya baat hai dear? tum itni raat mein yahan kya kar rahe ho?"

Pati ne nazar uthaai aur kaha "Tumhein yaad hai 14 saal pehle jab tum sirg 18 saal ki thi?"
Patni bhaav vibhor ho gayi aur boli "Haan yaad hai"

Kuchh ruk kar pati bola "Yaad hai jab tumhare judge pitaji ne hamein meri car mein ghoomte huye dekh liya tha"

Patni "Haan haan yaad hai"\

Pati "Yaad hai tab unhone mujhe dhamkaya tha aur kaha tha is-se shaadi kar lo nahi to tumhein 14 saal ke liye andar kara doonga"

Patni "Haan haan woh bhio yaad hai"

Pati apni aankh se aansu pochhte huye bola "Aaj main jail se chhoot gaya hota"

Husband Wife chori ke topic par baat kar rahe the

Husband : Jo insan chori karta hai, wo baad mein zarur pachhtaata hai.

Wife (romantic mood mein) : Aur tumne jo shaadi se pehle meri neendein churaai thi unke baare mein kya khayal hai?

Husband: Keh to raha hoon, jo chori karta hai wo baad mein pachhtata zarur hai.

Ek pati ne ne apni patni se poochha ki "Agar main aapko 2-4 din na dikhoon to aapko kaisa lagega??"

Pati se khushi ke maare raha nahi gaya aur usne bol diya "Bahut achcha lagega"
Bas phir kya
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Patni Monday ko nahi dikhi
Tuesday ko nahi dikhi
Wednesday ko nahi dikhi
Thursday ko bhi nahi dikhi
Friday ko jab aankh ki soojan kam huyi to thoda thoda dikhi.

Employee: Sir meri biwi 5-6 dinon ke liye kahin ghoomne jaana chahati hai. Chhutti chahiye.

Boss: Nahi milegi.

Employee: Thank you sir! Main jaanta tha museebat mein bas aap hi mere kaam aayenge.

Pati: Aaj sabzi mein namak thoda sa zyada ho gaya hai.
Patni: Namak theek hai, sabji kam pad gayi. Bola tha na zyada laaya karo.

Point - Wife is always right!
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Pati: Aaloo ke parathon mein aloo to nazar nahi aa raha hai.
Patni: Chup chap khaa lo..!! Kashmiri pulaav mein kya Kashmir nazar aata hai?

Point - Bola tha na, wife is always right!!
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Pati: Teen din se lagaatar lauki khaa raha hoon, ab ek mahina nahi khaunga.
Patni: Yehi baat paan masale ke liye kyun nahi bolte?

Point - Accept it, wife is always right!

What is checkmate?

You tell your wife "I saw a lady, looked exactly like you"

and wife asked "Was she hot..??"

You can't "NO"
You can't say "YES"

This is checkmate...
Agreed or not...