Stupid Jokes

Gabbar: Aaj maine basanti ko nahaate waqt dekha.

Veeru: Kutte kameene main tera khoone pee jaaunga

Gabbar: Relax bewde... Main naha raha tha aur basanti jaa rahi thi... Jab dekho khoon pee jaaunga..

College Clerk: Beta yeh form tumne galat bhar diya hai. Yahaan address nahin naamlikhna tha.
Student: Vikas Puri mera naam hi hai jee.
College Clerk: Achcha aur pita ka naam?
Student: Ji Janak Puri.
College Clerk: Achcha Dadaji ka naam?
Student: Trilok Puri.
College Clerk: Hey Bhagwaan beta jaate jaate apni maa ka naam bhi bata do.
Student: Maya Puri.
College Clerk: Main yeh sub nahin maanta. Koi aaya he tumhare saath family se tumhaari admission ke liye.
Student: Ji mera bara bhai hai yeh.
College Clerk: Aapka naam?
Bhai: Govind Puri!

What do u say if petrol is leaking from Maruti car..?

ThiNk

thiNk...

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Ok let me tell..
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MARUTI SUSU.Ki

Kitni shiddat se maine book uthane ki kosish ki hai. Ki har zarre ne muje sulane ki sazish ki hai. Kehte hain agar kisi chapter ko dil se smjhna chaho to sari kaynat tumhe usme confuse karne mein jut jati hai aur agar aisa na ho to samajh lena ke chapter syllabus ke bahar hai mere dost.

BRUCE LEE was a great man
But after his sister gave birth to a baby he became an ordinary man...
why?
Because he became
MAMU LEE!

Question :
A man is riding on his bike through a very dense forest in the evening. After about an hour he sees a peacock appear all of a sudden in the way - and the peacock is smiling at him.

The man feels its kinda weird and carries on traveling. Another hour passes and he sees the same peacock again in the middle of the road smiling at him. The man is a little scared now, but says to himself that he is just tired and is just imagining things and carries on with his ride.

Yet another hour passes and he finds the peacock again appearing out of nowhere smiling at him.........

Why is this happening?????

Answer

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Because the man is riding TVS Victor and so "More smiles per hour"

You r alone in a boat in the middle of a sea and you hav 2 cigars..but no lighter..how r u going to smoke a cigar??

Method no.1..dip one of dem in the water..so water's gonna drip 4m it..now..
tip tip barsa paani..pani ne aag lagai.....
ther's anothr way.....think...

Method no.2 ....throw one of 'em in the water..so the boat will bcom LIGHTER..
now use the LIGHTER !!!

Method no.3 .....throw one cigar in air and catch it,,so..CATCHES WIN MATCHES...
use the Matches!!

........there's yet another method.....

fondle one of the cigar...ye dekhko..dusri cigar JALNE lagi !!!!!!!!!

A scientist disconnected his doorbell..
Why??
Because...he wanted to win the No-bell prize!