Sexy Jokes

At sex toy shop

Girl: Duplicate lund ka section kaha hai?
Clerk: Wahan par hai Maam.
Girl : Woh red waala kitne ka hai?
Clerk: O hawas ki pujaran, woh aag bujjane ka cylinder hai.

The best example of "Doosron ki khushi me apni khushi dhoondhna".
Watching Porn.
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What do you call a situation when two people are thinking of sex and rest of the people are thinking about food?
Wedding
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The "Smoking Kills" warning on cigarette packs is like girls saying
"Rehne Do, Koi Dekh Lega" - nothing more than a ritual!
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A woman without curves is like a Jeans without pockets;
You don't know where to put your hands!
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Obscene caller: Hi baby, if you can guess what's in my hand I will let you have it.
Lady: Listen, if you can hide it in one hand then I am not interested!
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World's most romantic line ever said by a girl to her boyfriend:
Achha Baba... Karlo!

A woman was having sex in an apartment 20 floors high with another man. She then heard her husband coming..
She told her lover to stay like robot and not to move.

Husband: What is this?

Wife: This is a robot I bought to have sex with when you are traveling...

Husband: Okay.. Lets have sex now...

Wife: No sweetheart.. Yesterday I got my period, so I will go and make a cup of coffee for you..

After she left the husband said: Damn I am so horny, I will f*ck this robot...

He tried f*cking. The man started talking in a metallic robotic way..

"System error
Wrong hole
System error
Wrong hole.."

Husband: Damn robot is not working properly.. I am throwing it out of the window..

The lover realized that he was on the 20th floor he said:

"SOFTWARE UPDATED"
"PLEASE TRY AGAIN"

A Pathan being interviewed at U.S. Embasy:

CONSULATE: Your name please?
Pathan: Gul khan.
CONSL: Sex?
Pathan: Ten to twelve times a week.
CONSL: I mean male or female?
Pathan: Both male/female & sometimes Camels too.
CONSUL: You seem Ugly !
Pathan: yes Ugly & Pichhli both sides.
CONSL: Freaky Ass!
Pathan: yes sometimes free ki ass somtimes have to pay.
CONSL: Man are you hostile.
Pathan: Horse style, dog style any style !
Consl: Oh dear.
Pathan: Deer? No deer they run very fast.

Boss hired a sexy secretary, but 10 days later he committed suicide by jumping from his 27th floor office.

Police: "Who was there at that time in the room?"

Secretary: "I was there"

Police: What happened? Why did he commit suicide?

Secretary: He was a good man. One day he bought me a fur coat for 2,00,000.

Then he bought me a diamond necklace for Rs.15,00,000, then he bought me a diamond ring for Rs.5,00,000.

Today he asked me to spend the night with him. I told him I charge just Rs. 500 a night!
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Moral:" Investments are subject to market risk, check the market rate before investing!"

A guy was looking for a place to sit in a crowded university library.
He asked a girl: "Do you mind if I sit beside you?"
The girl replied in a loud voice: "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"

All the students in the library started staring at the guy,
He was truly embarrassed and moved to another table.

After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table,
and said with a laugh: "I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking.
I guess you felt embarrassed, right?"

The GUY then responded in a loud voice:
"Rs.5000/- FOR ONE NIGHT!! ISN'T THAT TOO MUCH?"

All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock.
The guy whispered to her:
"I study law and I know how to screw people."

A King enrolled his donkey in a race
& won.

Local paper read:
'KING's ASS WON'
The king was so upset with this kind
of publicity that he gave the donkey
to the queen.

The local paper then read:
"QUEEN HAS THE BEST ASS IN
TOWN"
The king fainted....
Queen sold the donkey to a farmer
for 10$.

Next day paper read:
"QUEEN SELLS HER ASS FOR $10"
The queen fainted...

The next day king ordered the queen
to buy back the donkey and leave it
in jungle.

The Next Headlines:
"QUEEN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS
FREE & WILD"
The king died... !

A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling

Back and forth. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches,

"Can I help you Sir?"

"Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr", the man replies.

The cop asks, "Where was your car the last time you saw it?"

"It wasss on the end of thisshh key", the man replies.

About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's wiener hanging Out of his fly for all the world to see.

He asks the man, "Sir are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"

Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch and without Missing a beat, blurts out....

"Holy shit! My girlfriend's gone, too!!"