Medical Jokes

A woman goes to the doctor to get some medication for her elderly husband. She's given some pills and is told that he should take two every Sunday, Tuesday and Wednesday and skip the remaining days in the week. A month later the woman returns to the doctor to tell that her husband has died of a heart attack. 'I don't understand it,' says the doctor. 'His heart hasn't bothered him before. I hope it wasn't a side effect of the medication.' 'Oh no,' replies the wife. 'The pills did him good, it was the skipping that killed him.'

Since I'm not keen on taking pills, when my doctor gave me a prescription to lower my blood pressure, I asked him if there were any side effects.
"Yes," he said. "Longevity."

First mother: "How's your son getting on at medical school?"
Second mother: "I don't know, I can't read his letters."

Doctor : "I'm afraid you've only got three weeks to live"
Patient : "Then I'll take two weeks before Diwali and and the week between Christmas and New Year's."

Due to a mix-up in Urology, orange juice will not be in hospital menu this morning.

Doctor to patient: 'Don't forget to stick your tongue out when the nurse comes.'
Patient: 'Why?'
Doctor: 'I don't like her'

An old man was having some stomach problems so his doctor told him to drink warm water with Epsom Salts one hour before breakfast. At the end of the week the old man returns and said he was feeling much worse. 'Really?' said the doctor. 'And did you drink the salt water one hour before breakfast each day?' 'No,' replied the old man. 'I could only drink it for 20 minutes.'

A doctor is walking down a hospital ward when he hears a shriek and hears a nun running out of another doctor's office. Curious, he steps in to find out what's going on. 'Oh, I just told that nun she's pregnant,' says the second doctor. 'My God, is she?' asks the first doctor. 'Of course not,' says the second doctor. 'But it cured her hiccups.'