Medical Jokes or Doctor Jokes or Medical Humor or Nursing Jokes is related to Patients, Doctors, Nurses, Medicines, Insane Patients, Disease about Medicines in general, and more!. Medical Jokes also involves funny treatment of any disease. Being in the medical profession requires a good sense of humor! To do our part, we offer this list of great medical jokes. Go on, have a look and a laugh. These jokes are original and best which you could find on the web. Hope you will enjoy these medical jokes. You can e-mail these jokes to your friends. If you have your own medical joke please send your medical jokes to us so that we will display your Medical Jokes on your favorite website.
Patient: Doctor, if I give up wine, women, and song, will I live longer?
Doctor: Not really. It will just seem longer.
Patient (to cosmetic surgeon): Will it hurt me, doctor?
Surgeon: Only when you get my bill, Mrs Brown.
A man at the doctors:
Doctor, I have diarrhea and it won't go away!
Did you try using a lemon?
Yes I did, but when I removed it, it started again!
Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients on the operating table.
The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."
The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers...those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."
But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head and butt are interchangeable."
The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me."
"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "You're lazy."
"Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."
Patient:Doctor I want to undergo a 'by-pass surgery', what is the probability of success?
Doctor: 100%!!
Patient:But how can you be so sure of acheiving 100% success?
Doctor: On the day of Convocation, my prof. told me that when you practise medicine chances of failure will be 99% and success 1%.
I have already attended 99 patients (failed to cure them) and you are the 100th!!
Morris goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my young wife has turned into a real bad woman.
Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. She sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy, Doc! What do you think I should do?"
"Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry's bar?"
A man walks into the dentist office and lies in the chair... The dentist comes in and proceeds to do an examination. In the middle of the exam, the man tells the dentist and apologizes that he has just had lunch and did not have time to brush his teeth before the appointment as he was running a bit late.
The dentist tells him : "That's ok. I understand. I just had to use the bathroom and didn't have time to wash my hands."
